Concept: a mermaid who collects human artifacts, but, like, exclusively objects that humans have dramatically cast into the sea in moments of high emotion, catharsis, or personal revelation. Each item is carefully mounted above a little index card that outlines the circumstances of its hurling in terse, clinical prose.
How many outdated cellphones does she have from businessmen who realize that Family is more important?
Fewer than you’d think. For a variety of fascinating demographic and cultural reasons, importance-of-family cell phones are considerably more likely to be hurled into lakes than oceans. She’s co-authored a paper on the subject that’s due to be published next month.
The thing that gets me about Looking For Jobs is that every hiring site has like miles of just saying words at you that you have to scroll through. Talking about teamwork career building opportunities goals. Talking about “our mission” & it’s a grocery store
I’m too autistic for this amount of extraneous social song & dance bullshit I just want to know if you’ll pay me or not
You’re a grocery store. We both know you’re a grocery store. Your mission is to sell groceries. You could give a fuck about peace and love on planet earth. I could give a fuck about you. I’m here because we live in hell. You know this. I know this. You know I know this. I don’t know what you’re paying though. Because this page is longer than it has any goddamn reason to be and you put that information right at the bottom. With an asterisk next to it
It no longer exists but McDonald’s hiring page used to have an absolutely bonkers rant about their “FIVE KEYS” which was just a term they had for five business principles or whatever but the spiel was along the lines of like Our Five Keys Will United Humanity. Like an ancient prophecy.
So we’ve been having a bit of a debate in the office because we wanted to do the headline “Local man gives up sugar for 12 minutes” but then overdoing the “local man” trope is a bit male-centric, so we considered “Local woman” but then that sounds like we’re typecasting women so that wasn’t great either, but I think we’ve finally found a worthy compromise:
vulnerability is like so hard, if I told you anything sappy please know that I had a hand to hand combat with seven layers of embarrassment and repression
